Fic: Pyro's expanded horizons
Jun. 28th, 2012 02:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gryphonseggA conversation in this community inspired me. The result contains a tiny bit of Heavy/Medic and some unspecified kind of relationship between Pyro and Engineer. I often default to a female Pyro, but I decided to go with a male one for this to minimize unfortunate implications.
The RED Engineer was normally a polite man, but on this day he was too close to the end of his rope to knock. He barged into the infirmary without warning. He didn’t even get more than a tiny bit flustered at the way the Medic quickly scooted away from his Heavy and fumbled for his glasses. Engineer slammed a sheaf of papers down on the examination table and said, “Doc, we need to talk.”
“There is problem?” Heavy said menacingly, rising to loom over the Engineer.
“Yes, there’s a problem, but it don’t concern you. I’ve had it with the doc letting Pyro sniff Kritz fumes, and I won’t stand for it anymore.”
“Doctor?” Heavy looked worried. “You are being alone with Pyro?”
Medic laughed. “Don’t be such a mother hen. The Pyro has been exposed to much worse things. In fact, the Kritz appears to have repaired some of the damage our little friend incurred in the past. After coming down from a Kritz high, Pyro exhibits more consistently clear reasoning abilities and stable affect than before.”
“But before that, he goes on a rampage and sets everything on fire,” said Engineer pointedly.
“That’s what Pyros are supposed to do,” replied Medic.
“Not off the clock!”
“An intoxicated Pyro is the safest Pyro there is,” Medic said breezily, “provided one has hidden all weapons in a secure location. And Pyro becomes calm and happy afterward.”
“But he draws these!” Engineer said, indicating the papers he had brought with him.
Steeling himself against whatever gruesome visions Pyro’s muse drove him to put to paper, Heavy lifted the top sheet. As he picked up each paper, his expression spiraled deeper into the abyss of bewilderment. “Entire BLU team is babies?”
“Diapers, egg-shaped bodies, adult faces, and wings,” Engineer said grimly. “Riding on unicorns and dragons in Easter bonnets and cats that crap rainbows. He said, and I quote, ‘The world of the Kritz is a magical happy place.’ Then he showed me a picture of me riding a dolphin across a river of stars and told me he dreamed that we decorated our baby’s room in the same color scheme.”
“Pyro has baby?!” asked the horrified Heavy.
“No, that was a dream,” said Engineer. “These BLU cherub things and rainbow cats are out of hand. It would be less scary if he went back to drawing fires and burning spies.”
Medic studied the drawings with a critical eye. “Pyro’s linework has improved greatly! Could this be another side effect of the Kritz? I must test it on others!”
The RED Engineer was normally a polite man, but on this day he was too close to the end of his rope to knock. He barged into the infirmary without warning. He didn’t even get more than a tiny bit flustered at the way the Medic quickly scooted away from his Heavy and fumbled for his glasses. Engineer slammed a sheaf of papers down on the examination table and said, “Doc, we need to talk.”
“There is problem?” Heavy said menacingly, rising to loom over the Engineer.
“Yes, there’s a problem, but it don’t concern you. I’ve had it with the doc letting Pyro sniff Kritz fumes, and I won’t stand for it anymore.”
“Doctor?” Heavy looked worried. “You are being alone with Pyro?”
Medic laughed. “Don’t be such a mother hen. The Pyro has been exposed to much worse things. In fact, the Kritz appears to have repaired some of the damage our little friend incurred in the past. After coming down from a Kritz high, Pyro exhibits more consistently clear reasoning abilities and stable affect than before.”
“But before that, he goes on a rampage and sets everything on fire,” said Engineer pointedly.
“That’s what Pyros are supposed to do,” replied Medic.
“Not off the clock!”
“An intoxicated Pyro is the safest Pyro there is,” Medic said breezily, “provided one has hidden all weapons in a secure location. And Pyro becomes calm and happy afterward.”
“But he draws these!” Engineer said, indicating the papers he had brought with him.
Steeling himself against whatever gruesome visions Pyro’s muse drove him to put to paper, Heavy lifted the top sheet. As he picked up each paper, his expression spiraled deeper into the abyss of bewilderment. “Entire BLU team is babies?”
“Diapers, egg-shaped bodies, adult faces, and wings,” Engineer said grimly. “Riding on unicorns and dragons in Easter bonnets and cats that crap rainbows. He said, and I quote, ‘The world of the Kritz is a magical happy place.’ Then he showed me a picture of me riding a dolphin across a river of stars and told me he dreamed that we decorated our baby’s room in the same color scheme.”
“Pyro has baby?!” asked the horrified Heavy.
“No, that was a dream,” said Engineer. “These BLU cherub things and rainbow cats are out of hand. It would be less scary if he went back to drawing fires and burning spies.”
Medic studied the drawings with a critical eye. “Pyro’s linework has improved greatly! Could this be another side effect of the Kritz? I must test it on others!”
