FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!~!!!

[gryphonsegg]

This morning, I was sitting in the back pew during an Easter service. I'm usually toward the back because of the lighting, and I have to sit at the very back on Easter because the incense they burn for this one holiday bothers me like no other incense I've ever smelled. Halle*cough*cough*hack*lujah! Because I'm usually at or near the back, I'm usually close this one family that always sits near the back too, and the father is an ignorant, Fox News-parroting douchecanoe. I've overheard him saying awful things before, and during the creed, he always says "HE" loudly and with great emphasis and sometimes gives me a Look after I say "She," even if I'm behind him and he has to turn around to do it. This Sunday, there was prayer request for the victim of a racially motivated crime, and this guy said-- quietly, so only people at the back heard it-- something so horrifyingly racist that I had to leave to keep from making a scene. For extra irony, one of the lectionary readings today was about St. Peter, who had some trouble grasping the idea that Jesus isn't just for his own ethnic group, realizing that the love of God is for all nations. The douchecanoe's wife tried to shush him, but he just kept on, and I got up and walked out before anybody noticed my rage tears.

I left my sunglasses, so when I opened the door and got stabbed in the eyes by the spring sunlight, I had to turn around and go back for them. Apparently, I can't experience any strong emotion for any reason without making myself look like a fool in some way.

I am STILL FURIOUS. I have not heard anything that disgustingly racist said in person, let alone in a church, since I walked away from the moral and intellectual cesspit I grew up in. I cannot bring myself to type the specifics of what he said, so if you think I'm overreacting, you'll just have to take my word for it that it really was That Bad.

I seriously do not know if I can go back after this. As you probably deduced from the prayer request, the majority of the congregation is much more compassionate and less screamingly racist than the one guy. But I kind of have to sit at the back due to my light sensitivity, so I'm always close to him. In the past, I've avoided any outward response to his moderately offensive comments and his creed glare, but what he said this time was so far out of bounds I don't even want to look at him again. This isn't a very loving response on my part, but I think continuing to deal with him politely and not confronting him about the terrible and hateful thing he said (confronting him is not something I feel prepared to do at this point in my life) would mean that I was choosing to value this one very privileged man over the victim and the victim's family and other people who have been or will be hurt for the same reasons by people who share this man's racist values. I'm not God, so I don't have infinite grace and mercy and love, so I'm saving my compassion for the family whose suffering he mocked.

Comments

[deird1]

Grrr.

*fantasises about him getting muddy and ferret-covered and other despicable things*

[gryphonsegg]

Covered in ferrets, yes! Now if only ferret bites could increase empathy . . .