I probably should have realized sooner

I just realized what certain points of my feminist philosophy that conflict with a lot the shallow pop feminism on the internet have in common with my dissatisfaction with a lot of the escapist reading I try to do only to be thwarted by unpleasant in the world I'm supposed to prefer to this one. I believe that any better world worth building in reality or escaping to in fiction must be a world where my mother's life could have been a happier one. That means that mothers aren't confined to narrow little boxes from which only the childless women can escape. It means that heterosexual pair-bonding can happen without the woman becoming the servant of the man, sacrificing important parts of her life to his comfort, or getting blamed for his mistakes. It means that women with disabilities are treated with as much respect and concern as the "badass" and "kickass" women who run marathons and kick dudes in the face. I already knew that my blood boils whenever I see anyone, in a politically conscious context or a fannish one, putting down moms, sneering at women who still want monogamous relationships with men, Monday morning quarterbacking about what some woman could have or should have done to change her husband's behavior, or acting like a woman who can't run is some kind of disgrace to feminism. Sometimes I've felt vaguely guilty for taking it so personally and feeling so let down and/or fired up when I don't have kids, I'm sitting out the whole sex/romance/sexual politics thing, and I don't have a severe or visible disability. I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing something wrong. And I knew that some people consider it strange that my relationship with my mother didn't go through a long rough patch in my adolescence. But I'm just now putting it all together, how my mother's love and care and support got me through the worst times in my life, how much it hurts to remember the crap she's gotten from my dad, from religious figures who insisted that she could fix him by being more submissive and more patient and thinner and prettier and a better cook and mobility limitations are no excuse for slacking off on housework or weight loss, from mainstream and patriarchal society generally. And how much I relish the thought of hulking out whenever I notice that, once again, someone who is holding up the banner of making the world better for women or promoting something as a safe, fluffy escape for women is doing the same damn thing and implying that women like my mother deserve whatever crap they get and should be excluded and left behind. When I think about it like that, it's no wonder I take it personally.