The waiting is the hardest part

[gryphonsegg]

I'm getting really anxious about grad school. I'm terrified that I won't get accepted. I've been thinking that if it doesn't happen this year, I should go back to looking for a full-time job that I would potentially be stuck in several years down the road. I have a sense that I would be giving up on getting my doctorate. On the other hand, I have this feeling that I will be accepted this year, but I worry that even if I do get in, I'll screw it up somehow. I've been really disorganized and forgetful lately, and feel like a total fuck-up. I'm wondering if I should e-mail the faculty in any of the departments I've applied to and ask more questions. I'm worried that if I don't I'll appear apathetic and if I do I'll appear creepy.

Also, I seriously need to do more chores around here and get rid of stuff I don't use. Why can't I keep the detritus of my life from accumulating on every flat surface including the floor? Why can't I just throw things away like normal people?